why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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