He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
