Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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