You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
