U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
