Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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