You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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