i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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