An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
