u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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