In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
