Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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