Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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