I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
