Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
