We won't sleep together?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
