Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
