bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
