What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a hot homeless man
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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