They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
