Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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