I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
