That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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