I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
