That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
