I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize