Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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