i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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