after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
