Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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