Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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