I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
