I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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