I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
