So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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