I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
