it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
