I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
