The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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