When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
