He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
