Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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