I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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