My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
