So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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