Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
