Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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