So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
