I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
