Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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