this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
