you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
