Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
