I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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