I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
