Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We had to coat check the pizza.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
