So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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