I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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