We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
