worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
