we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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