If that was your dad, he is hot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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