Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
