i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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