He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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