There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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