she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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