found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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