OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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