Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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