dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
