I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
