I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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