so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
